


Twisted Challenge, Sick Game

by firecube



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst, Gory flashback, M/M, Oneshot, Outo Arc, emo(sort-of)!Fai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 17:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5425928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firecube/pseuds/firecube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fai has slipped up.  Kurogane isn't willing to let him recover his grip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twisted Challenge, Sick Game

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Tsubasa and its characters belong to CLAMP.

Fai doesn’t like confrontations.

If there is a confrontation, that signifies his failure to hide. It means that somewhere he’s slipped up.

Now, staring into the crimson of Kurogane’s piercing eyes, he imagines himself slipping in a pool of sticky, coagulating blood. Its sickening warmth and metallic stench strike him almost as much as the color. Crimson, crimson . . . He should really do better to avoid eye contact with this man.

Fai averts his eyes downwards – softly, slowly, subtly. Then he meets Kurogane’s glare with one of those sickeningly false smiles. These never fail to reach the eyes, as most fake smiles do. These of Fai’s give a hauntingly morbid tone to those sapphire windows to the soul. That’s where the holes in Fai’s mask are. The eyes.

Never did he imagine anyone knowing this; most likely he never even knew it himself. But Kurogane knows. And Fai’s knowledge of the other’s knowing both thrills and terrifies him out of his wits. Metaphorically, of course. Fai always holds tightly to his wits, twisted though they may be.

“Kuro-sama, you're so worried about _me_? There’s really no need, you know? Everybody has some scary dreams every now and then, even big bad ninjas like you –”

Kurogane stops him short with a strong pair of hands clamped down on his shoulders. “You’re not gonna get me off the subject with your stupid jokes,” he hisses. “You see, I’ve been seeing through your game for a long while now.”

Fai’s eyes darken a bit; the smile becomes something softer but still remains. It looks to Kurogane like a warning sign. “And what kind of game are you seeing through?” The question comes out very flatly, vapid.

Kurogane lowers his head slightly so that the two of them are closer to eye level. This does not intimidate Fai, at least not visibly; however, there’s a hint of something akin to shame across his features.

The ninja’s voice continues low and firm, but nonaggressive. “You’ve got something very ugly that you're desperate to cover up.”

Fai looks down. “Well that’s not a very nice thing to say, Kuro-tan.”

“I just speak what I know to be true.” He releases his grip on Fai’s shoulders and steps back slightly, before grabbing the blond’s left arm.

Fai tenses in surprise. “What are you –”

Kurogane pushes the sleeve of his overcoat back fiercely, revealing already-closed-up cut marks a good three inches down the pale skin of his wrist. “What the hell is _this_?” he exclaims, pointing at the marks and shoving them harshly in Fai’s face.

_When did he see those . . .?_

Fai raises his eyebrows. “Ah, those? I broke a cup and –”

“Forget it!” Kurogane flings Fai’s arm away discordantly. “I’d rather you give me silence than pathetic lies you can't seriously expect me to believe. You wanted me to find out, didn’t you? Is it some kind of sick game for you?” His voice unexpectedly softens at the last two questions.

Fai does indeed remain silent, grateful Kurogane condones it, or at least he had just admitted to doing so to some extent. To his own chagrin, he realizes that the answer to the first question is yes. The second one . . . is not so simple. But he can certainly turn this one right back on Kurogane.

Fai smiles. “You really can't turn down a challenge, can you, Kuro-sama?”

He’ll regret saying that later.

Kurogane just glares back at him silently, yet the look on his face speaks a million words that no dictionary could define.

Finally, he speaks. “I’ve never lost a challenge as of yet, and I don’t intend to.”

Fai shrugs, pretending to be fascinated with the floor. “That’s too bad for you then.”

“We’ll see.” He’s almost headed for the stairs when the kids and Mokona, all bright smiles and laughter, come in from an afternoon of shopping. Fai instantly cheers up and greets them all, helping carry in the bags.

They all help put away the café’s supplies; Fai and Kurogane don’t speak. Only Princess Sakura seems to notice something slightly hostile, residual, in the air, but quickly forgets it amidst cheerful chatter.

After Kurogane takes Syaoran off for sword training, Sakura passes out on the couch after what was a long day for her, Mokona soon following suit, their small figure tucked between the Princess’s arms.

Fai takes a while to look down on the girl’s innocent face as he is crippled by an immeasurable pang of guilt.

All the people he’s screwing over for his own selfish reasons . . . All the lives he has already destroyed . . .

He has no right to be worried about, even in lieu of a challenge. One more reason to distance himself.

He goes to his room and curls up in a fetal position on his bed.

Last night he had . . . not a nightmare, but a memory.

_Cold, white snow incessantly burning skin, never ceasing to fall. Piles of corpses, frozen, never rotting. Bloody, shredded fingertips desperately dug into the bricks of an infinitesimally ascending tower leering overhead. The mangled body, shattered skull, and leeching brain matter of his own reflection._

And the words.

_I want to die._

_I want to die._

_I want to die._

_But . . ._

_I want someone to love me . . ._

_before I die . . ._

“No . . .” He curls into an ever-tighter ball.

“Never will it happen and . . . I shouldn’t want it. Especially . . . anyone but you . . . I wish it were anyone but you.”

END

**Author's Note:**

> I had the speculation that Fai could have very well been a cutter (*coughs* Valeria, anyone? And then what happened with Ashura? Yeah, anyone would be screwed up for life. Luckily for Fai, he has Kurogane, which of course all worked out in the end.) and then I just had to write this.  
> Thank you for reading!


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